There’s a term we often come across on the internet nowadays: incel. It’s frequently used by both men and women, and in my opinion, it’s especially common among younger generations. However, many people tend to distort the meaning of a word or misuse it. We saw this happen with the term incel during the murder committed by Semih Çelik who was a famous Turkish murderer. Last October, Semih Çelik brutally murdered two women. Following this, numerous debates erupted on social media. Some people labeled Semih Çelik as an incel — but that was a mistake. Semih Çelik wasn’t an incel; he was a psychopath.
What Does Incel Mean?
If we look at the literal meaning, incel stands for “involuntary celibate” and it originates from English. Incels are people who, despite wanting a relationship, cannot find one. No matter how hard they try, they can’t get a partner and end up alone. It is wrong to label someone as an incel if they deliberately choose to stay out of relationships. After all, the word involuntary implies the lack of choice. You cannot call a man who is simply focused on his own life and uninterested in dating an incel. Likewise, a man who has had a girlfriend is not an incel either. Semih Çelik, for instance, had a girlfriend. Therefore, calling him an incel is incorrect.
So why did people call him that? Because the meaning of words can be distorted or hollowed out. If you use a word randomly or inappropriately, it loses its meaning. A good example of this is the word fascist. People call every authoritarian regime “fascist” without understanding what the term means. Yes, fascism is an oppressive system, but not every oppressive system is fascist. Fascism is an ideology in its own right. What people often mean is tyrannical, totalitarian, despotic, or abusive — but the word fascist has become a catch-all phrase, just like incel.
It’s absurd to call every pathetic or misogynistic man an incel. A man might sleep with a different woman every day and still be a misogynist, while an incel could very well be someone who respects women.
Why Can’t They Find a Partner?
The reason why incels can’t find a partner, despite actively seeking one, is a complex issue. Unfortunately, it can’t be solved by looking at it from a single perspective. Some incels attribute it solely to being “ugly,” but that’s a shallow approach. Even unattractive men can find partners and get married. So clearly, the core of the issue isn’t about being ugly or handsome. According to some men, the root of the issue lies in women’s nature.
As you may know, it is often said that women are hypergamous — a belief grounded in evolutionary psychology. There are two main ideological frameworks that support this idea: blackpill and redpill.
Blackpill believers think they will never be able to find a relationship because of women’s inherent nature, and as a result, they develop deep hatred toward women. Some blackpillers even express desires to commit sexual violence, and — excuse the term — refer to fathers of daughters as “cucks.” In this regard, they are extremely harmful to society.
Blackpill ideology and incel identity are closely linked — in fact, every blackpiller is also an incel. They have formed their own communities where they cry together, repeatedly telling one another that no woman could ever love them. According to them, women are only attracted to handsome and powerful men, without exception. In short, blackpill followers are not only incels but also self-loathing and deeply misogynistic.
Redpill followers, on the other hand, are different. They accept what they believe to be a woman’s nature and try to “play the game” accordingly. However, even redpillers often end up descending into misogyny, viewing women as inherently inferior or disposable.
Of course, this can change due to social media and the evolving women’s movements, so nothing is set in stone. But I can say this clearly: women do not care as much about looks as is commonly believed. If a man places a “10” level importance on appearance, a woman gives it half that, or even less. It’s laughable when men complain by crying, “We’re ugly.” With sufficient grooming, every man can reach a certain potential, but you can’t explain this to the blackpill crowd. There was even a guy at METU who shamelessly published a blackpill manifesto.
Misogynists Are Everywhere
Besides incels, there are also misogynists and pathetic men everywhere. Some of these men are hurt and broken repeatedly by women. As a result, some choose to become “bad guys” and view women through a cynical lens. Because of a few unfortunate personal experiences, they see women as toys, prey, or property. Their mentality is “I’ll hurt those who hurt me.” These types of men might even be around you, maybe some of you have boyfriends like this. I’ve seen many misogynistic men who have girlfriends.
On the other hand, there are those who take a different path. I mentioned this in another article: some throw themselves into sports and self-improvement. While growth isn’t just about lifting weights, these men are at least better than those who have the “I’ll hurt those who hurt me” mentality and see women as prey.
At the End of the Day
To get straight to the point, an incel man is different from a misogynist or a pathetic man. Not every incel is misogynistic, and not every misogynist is an incel. For example, Andrew Tate is a misogynist but still socializes with women. It is not accurate to label every insecure or weak man as an incel. Completely excluding them from society is also not the right approach. If this ignorance continues, they can become both incels and misogynists, and tomorrow they might harm one of our women.
